Aeris and Popularity
by NekyuToi
Summary: After blowing up the world, the gang time travel back to start events over, but to stop the world blowing up, they must kill Aeris. One by one they try, but why, oh why do they keep failing?
1. Chapter 1

Aeris and Popularity

_Thank you for taking time to read this fan-fic on Aeris. Although she may be hated by all, she still has left all of us a gaping hole in our hearts. Final Fantasy copyright of Squaresoft._

Chapter One: The World

**11:12pm 21/12**

"So we just stay here until Sephiroth get's here?" Aeris blurted out as she flicked through her weekly bimbo magazine. The main headline was about some celebrity that had lost a few pounds after her boyfriend left her. Barret sat opposite Aeris, looking in disgust at the magazine. He thought to himself about why on Earth anyone would bloody read such crap about boring people who sleep with people in high places.  
"Yes, for the last time, Aeris!" Cloud snapped. It was the fifth time she had asked the question. Red XIII, who was looking down at the world's main CPU proposed that she was so engrossed in her magazine that she didn't take in any reply. Anyway, back to what Red XIII was looking at... it was the main Central Processing Unit of the world that they lived on. After Sephiroth was beaten in the world's core, the computer revealed itself, although the team only knew about it. They awaited for Sephiroth to come down and steal the thing that kept the computer going. It was called a Materializationizeration Orb, and it was like.. an orb which produced gravity, atoms et cetera. Sephiroth however, was not to appear for another five minutes, as he was at his home eating a large toast sandwich dipped in Worchester sauce. After the major events that had happened in the core of the world, Sephiroth moved out of there and took residence in a small underground house underneath a carpark in Midgar, Sector 4. It used to be a rave club; the pills, powder and empty bottles clung to the floor and atmosphere, even though the people of the rave had all left years ago.

"What is the ETA of Sephiroth?" Yuffie asked Cid. Cid flicked out a Puliminary Sectionator Device and pushed the touch screen. The current position of Sephiroth was 4210 miles away.  
"5 Minutes." Cid confirmed. The tension built up around the others, although Aeris ignored this and continued to read her little magazine. Five minutes passed...

"Aha!" Shouted a voice from above them. Everyone looked up, to see Sephiroth floating about.  
"Sephiroth! You'd better not take that CPU!" Cloud cried. They all got their weapons out, except Aeris, who had to put her magazine down first. She stood up from her chair and pulled out her spear, accidently knocking the materia out of her hair. It bounced once on the ground, everyone's head turned to it in horror. It recoiled off the floor once again, fell into the world's computer terminal curcuits, blew up the world and everyone on it.

**3:56pm 18/12**

Aeris opened her eyes slowly; her head was banging and she felt incredibly fatigued, as if it were the worst hangover of her life. Please note, as Aeris was such a goody-goody, not one drop of alcohol went past her lips through any will of her own, it usually went through due to the others giving her a glass of non-taste alcohol, wanting her to pass out to shut her up; one cider was enough. The others were standing over her, giving her menacing looks.  
"Where am I?" she whispered, as she sat up. Cid fumbled around with his Sectionator Device; it also told you location and time.  
"It's nearly four, and we are in the Mystic Forest outside the excavation site"  
"What!" she shouted, as she stood up. The evil glares made her paranoid.  
"You stupid bloody woman! You blew up the Earth! It was only thanks to Cid's thingy device that we warped back in time!" Cloud screamed at her. Aeris looked at the others, then down at the floor.  
"Oopsie." she said, quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

Aeris and Popularity

Chapter Two: The Plan

4:32pm 18/12

Aboard the Airship

Cloud, Barret and Tifa sat quietly in a small room at the bottom of the airship, taking in the view from the window next to the horrible, green-coloured sofa that gathered dust in one of the corners. Cloud sighed, lit up a cigarette, and walked over to the sofa. After rubbing the dust away with his hand he sat down.

"We are going to have to do something about Aeris." Cloud said. Tifa rubbed her forehead with a tissue to get the sweat away.

"What, you mean, like kill her?" she whispered, her voice trembling. Cloud took a drag from his cigarette and slowly nodded his head.

"I'm sorry, Tifa, it's just that if she doesn't die, we'll go around in a circle: 'Aeris comes with us, Aeris blows up world.'". he sighed again. Tifa jumped into the air, startling both Barret and Cloud. She waved her arms and did a little dance.

"I'm so happy! I've been wanting to get rid of her for ages!" Tifa gleamed. Barret dragged her back down on the chair.

"Listen, Tifa, this is murder. I know it's tempting, knowing the circumstances.. but are you really sure you want to go ahead with this?" Barret asked. Tifa nodded happily. Barret and Cloud let out a long sigh.

"Well, I'll go and inform the others of our plans. Since you seem so happy about it Tifa, why don't you go and kill her?" Cloud laughed. They all left the room, the cigarette laying, still lit, in the ashtray where Cloud dumped it.

4:35pm

"Oh, Aeris..." Tifa whined. "Would you come in here a moment?" Tifa was sat on the green sofa in the window room, waiting for Aeris' arrival. She clambered through the door gladly and sat down on the chair.

"What is it, Tifa?" Aeris smiled. Tifa constrained herself not to be sick at that horrible smile, and just continued to keep her talking.

"Come here and look out the window with me." Tifa smiled back. Aeris did not notice the evil motive and skipped over to the window. They both gazed outside, until Aeris broke that by smelling the smoke from the ashtray. Aeris went over to the ashtray on the pine wood table and picked up the cigarette.

"Dirty, dirty things." she whispered. Tifa looked back to see what Aeris said, and got burned on the arm by the cigarette that Aeris held. The shock of being burnt was so strong that Tifa fell backwards over the sofa, went through the glass, sending shards everywhere outside, and flew outside; Aeris only survived because the sofa blocked the window after Tifa fell out.

12:12pm 19/12

Behind 7th Heaven

"I don't know.." Cid whispered to Yuffie. "it seems a bit tasteless to bury her in the backyard of a pub."

"It was her pub though, I'm sure she wouldn't of minded." Yuffie replied. The others: Cloud, Barret, Aeris, Red XIII, Cait Sith and Vincent huddled around the coffin wiping the tears from their eyes.

"I'm glad I wasn't there when they were sewing her up.." Yuffie sighed. Cid's eyes widened.

"Gross, Yuffie!" he replied, hacking.

"What? Apparantly they couldn't find her head." she sniggered; she had won, Cid went off to vomit.

12:34pm

"It seems Tifa failed." Cloud sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. "It's a great loss, but she did it to save our planet..even though it is still in danger." he added.

"Do you think Aeris killed Tifa?" Yuffie asked. She, Cloud, Red XIII and Barret were sat in the cockpit whilst Cid manouvered the airship.

"Don't be stupid, Yuffie, Aeris is too innocent and far too stupid to pull off a stunt like that." Barret said. Cloud wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Yuffie. She snatched it from his hand and took a long, good look at it. On the piece of paper was a crude picture of Aeris with a shuriken sticking out of her head.

"I get the idea."

"Good." Cloud replied. "She'll be here any moment, we'll leave you two alone." Cloud and Barret stood up and vacated the room as soon as Aeris arrived. Yuffie ran over to Aeris, slammed the door behind her and burst into fake tears.

"I know, I know.." Aeris was comforting the fake-upset Yuffie. "It's been hard for us all."

"Sniff Aeris.." Yuffie splurted out through her cries. "There is one.. thing that would help me feel better.." Aeris nodded her head.

"Anything."

"I want to play a game of catch.." Yuffie whispered.

"Uh, what?"

"A game of catch. I'll throw, you catch, then vice versa.."

"Uh, ok Yuffie. But there isn't a ball here." Aeris looked around. Yuffie stood up and pulled our a small shuriken.

"No-no, let's play with this..." Yuffie sniggered.


	3. Chapter 3

Aeris and Popularity

Chapter Three...

_I'm sorry it took so long._

1p.m. 19/12

It had been half an hour since Yuffie and Aeris had started playing catch with one of Yuffie's shurikens, yet her plan to murder Aeris by 'accident' still hadn't occured. Although Aeris was a stupid bitch she still knew how to bloody catch. Even when Yuffie thought she had won, and the shuriken was one millimetre away from Aeris' face, she'd catch it just by her little fingers.

"This is exciting! I'm having fun!" Aeris giggled. Yuffie, however, was not. She was getting so bored of this. Aeris laughed again as she caught the shuriken, Yuffie was so bored now, she looked away for one second and didn't notice Aeris throw it back...

3:40p.m. Two Days Later 21/12

A day after Yuffie's funeral and everything was back to normal again.. well, almost. Aeris was still stupid, and hadn't connected two and two together to notice that people died around her. Cloud was furious that Yuffie and Tifa had failed their task, so he sent Cid in to do the dirty. Cid's plan was to just render her unconscious and stab her whilst she was asleep with a bread knife. Afterwards, he would dump her body in the trash and hope no one would find it. However, Cid's plan did not quite go to ... uh.. plan.

4:56p.m.

"Say, Aeris..?" Cid coughed. He and Aeris were alone in one of the bedrooms.

"Yes, Cid?" she asked. She lifted her head from her gossip rag and watched as he pulled a handkerchief from his breast pocket.

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?" She stood up to go and smell it, but being the stupid cow that she was, she hit her knee hard on a small table and fell onto Cid. In an instant they were both on the floor, Cid and Aeris had forgotten about the handkerchief, and all they could think about was how attractive each other were. Aeris and Cid locked lips after 10 seconds of gazing at each other, and 30 minutes later...

5:26p.m.

Barret burst into the room after hearing weird noises coming from inside the bedroom.

"Cid, did you finish her off?" Barret asked. He was about to ask again, but just realized that Aeris and Cid weren't visible, but hidden under a sheet moving around a lot. He walked up the bed and pulled the sheet off, and stared in shock at the sight of Aeris and Cid having it off. "Oh, you stupid bugger! We didn't want you to bloody shag her!" he bellowed. Cid and Aeris have off an embarrassed little laugh. Too bad for Cid though, because since sleeping with Aeris he contracted a deadly sexual disease; he was dead within the night.

2:22am 22/12

"This is urgent. We have lost three of our best staff.." Cloud spat out.

"Hey!" the rest of them shouted out. "Oh, whatever.."

"This is important! I mean, how hard can it be to kill one person!" he cried. "Look, I'll just have to kill her myself." he sighed.

"How are you gonna do it, Cloud?" Barret asked as he smoked a cigarette.

"Tell me, Barret, what did you light that fag up with?"

"A.. flame..?"

"Exactly. Fire kills anything.. mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha..."

"Right.." Barret responded. "So, how are you going to kill her?" Cloud slapped his head and then Barret.

6p.m. 23/12

"Hey, Aeris?" Cloud whispered, as he poked his head around Aeris' bedroom door.

She looked up from today's gossip rag and asked him what he wanted. When she saw the black eye he had she ran over to him, dragged him in, then slammed the door behind him.

"What the bloody hell happened to your face!" she cried as she touched his eye.

"Ouch! Barret just.. oh, never mind! Anyway, Christmas is coming up, and I wanted to give you a uh.. special pre-Christmas gift." he concucted. She clapped her hands in glee and asked him what is was. "Before I tell you, I must dowse the room is this petrol-smelling water to .. uh... cleanse it of evil thought!" he laughed. She hesitated, but agreed, and watchd as he splashed petrol all around her bedroom and Aeris. "There, now, here is your present!" He handed her a golden Zippo lighter that was found on Cid's rotten corpse. She kissed and thanked him as she prepared to light it.

"Wait!" he shouted. "Let me leave the room before you do that, otherwise... it's... bad luck!" he ran outside and locked the door behind him. All that was heard of next was a massive BAM as her bedroom, and Aeris, were engulfed in flames.

7:45p.m.

"Hurrah!" they all cried, as they toasted to Aeris' death. Aeris was finally dead, and buried.. in a bin, and everyone was happy.

"So, you're sure the bitch is dead?" Barret asked.

"Well, I'm positive.." Cloud replied. But was he? He felt a nagging sensation at the back of his head. Was she? It was hard to tell, but her charred body with melted skin sort of made them assume she was. "I'll be right back.. I'm going.. uh.. for a slash.." he added, as he put his glass down and went outside of the staff room. He ran downstairs into the bin room and siffed through all the rubbish to find her corpse. What the hell! Cloud thought. Her body was gone. He rummaged through it thoroughly, but it was definetly gone. Just then, something tapped on his shoulder. He screamed like a little girl and fell on his back in the trash. Standing above him was Aeris' dead body.

"Look at me, Cloud, my clothes are all burnt!" Cloud couldn't utter a word, as the shock was too great. "Well, are you just going to lie there?" she cried. She reached out her hand and grabbed his hand, but as it was so burnt her hand fell off, along with her arm; her body was starting to decompose. "What the..! Cloud..! My body,.. it's decomposing!"

"It's...it's... it's... bec-cause,.. you're dead, Aeris!" he shouted. She stood in horror at this revelation. Was she really this stupid as to not even know she was dead? I mean, come on! Her arm had fallen off, and her heart had stopped beating. Even her hair had come out in clumps and was burnt to a melted liquid goo. She gave out a deafining cry which caused Cloud to soil himself.

"Why aren't you dead!" he wanted to scream. But no words came out. She just stood there over him, waiting for him to say something.


End file.
